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A Clean Mouth

06 Jan

The audible version of my first release has hit a serious delay.  Apparently the Producer was simply too busy.  Or perhaps I simply chose wrong.  I can’t say for sure.  After numerous delays in production, the deadline was reached and passed and when I called him on it, he backed out of the project.  I’m seriously hoping that I can convince the narrator for Whispers to pick up the project as he is a much more professional producer…but that’s another story.

Of the few chapters that were posted for my review, my ears caught something I hadn’t really noticed before.  It had been brought to my attention by a few readers, but I always dismissed it as ‘adding realism’ to the military characters.  That something was the prolific use of profanity.  When I first wrote ROP, I never intended for it to actually be published.  It was a pet project meant only for my wife to read and to see if I could actually COMPLETE a writing project.  I based many of the military characters on people I had known in my past.  I tried to write their dialog based on how those guys actually spoke.  I guess that’s why I found it so humorous when one reviewer tore me to shreds because I had ‘the stereotypical huge black guy’…um…excuse me?  He was based on a REAL person.

Yet again, I digress.  So easily sidetracked without my coffee.  My point was, until I heard somebody else read the story back to me, I hadn’t realized just how prolific the profanity truly was.  Oh, an occasional F bomb during times of duress or emotional distress is understandable.  Or to truly emphasize a characters anger, but…ALL the time?  No, this wasn’t going to work.  So, I took a break shortly after beginning the draft for MS5 and began re-editing the profanity from the first four.

Honestly, sometimes it just doesn’t work.  When a guy that I knew tries to say ‘darn’ when it would have been a STRING of expletives?  But, these are characters, not the people they are based loosely off of.  Will it make the stories ‘readable’ for kids?  NO.  Situations happen in Phoenix that still just aren’t appropriate for kids IMHO.  Think Senator Franklin and the redhead in New Orleans.  Some kids, that scene wouldn’t phaze a bit.  Others?  I wouldn’t want to expose to anything like it.

So, that’s it.  Cleaning up the operators mouths a bit, fixing a few minor errors that I saw and then getting it ready for Aaron to read to see if the project is something he can take on.  Should make for a lot better listen when it does come out on audio.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on January 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “A Clean Mouth

  1. Vix Kirkpatrick

    January 6, 2014 at 11:13 am

    i must not have noticed, i thought it all fit just fine, i dont expect military to be clean mouthed! and i think horror lends its self to profanity anyway… when you have a monster biting your butt what are you going to be shouting? “oh excuse me!” dont fuss too much please… you may alter more than you think.
    as for the stupid twat that let you done re audio, think of it as a lucky escape!

     
    • heathstallcup

      January 6, 2014 at 11:40 am

      I agree with you Vix that I probably lucked out when the Producer backed out. If their heart isn’t in it, it reflects in the finished product. Perhaps that is why the profanity stood out? If somebody isn’t used to using it to emphasize their point in speech, it sounds forced and contrived. Either way, I felt better about cleaning it up. Even I noticed that I was dropping it’s use as the books progressed.

       
  2. Kitty Allen

    January 6, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Hey Heathie! I wouldn’t beat myself up too much if I were you. I did notice the profanity, but I was reading about some hard-core military bad-asses, and to be honest here…. they would have come off sounding like sissies if they said “shoot” “darn” of “Bo-Bo!” I’ve been around a few military men (you included), and that is quite frankly how they talk. I think all of it is what made the whole story seem so real. Not that I am “overly fond” of certain words, but I wouldn’t change too much or you will take away the “believe ability” of the story. Keep up the good work Lil Bro!

     
    • heathstallcup

      January 6, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Thanks for the support Kitten. I agree with you, and I don’t intend to remove all of it. But there was a lot that simply didn’t need to be in there. Or could be softened a bit. Rather than dropping all of the F bombs, they could use a different expletive or simply none at all and still get the point across.
      True, profanity has it’s uses, especially with battle hardened types. But too much takes away from the story. I’m trying to find the right ‘balance’.

       

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